17.0906-0901 Anerobia

@24.1026-1228.40Atx (orig)
@24.1027-2126.18Atx
@24.1121-1032.32Atx

Dear Marla,

The other night, I mentioned to James that I feel like I'm drifting aimlessly in life. As a Rubberist, the sensory pleasures are abundant, but there's a lack of substance and direction. It's all quite hedonistic, and I often find myself waiting for the inevitable.

James brought up the idea of having a "goal." He asked me point-blank what mine is. I was stumped at first, but then he helped me reframe it: "If your fetish could speak, what would she want?"

I realized that she would want me to be fully enclosed in latex, almost all the time. This has always been in the back of my mind since I was young.

James then asked if her goals were important to me and if I was accomplishing any of them. I had never thought about it that way. I told him that she's been a constant presence in my mind since childhood, guiding my sexuality and desires.

He asked if I communicate with her. I explained that it's more of a language of fantasy dreams and urges. She's the alpha, driving my desires, but it's purely physical and hedonistic. There's no emotional attachment.

James then asked about the term "Deep Rubber" and if I was doing it. I explained that while I can achieve 100% coverage for short periods, maintaining it 100% of the time is brutal. The longest I've managed is about three days, and even then, it was challenging. Plus, there are always social stigmas and practical considerations.

James then brought up the idea of the Hahnestery as a place where I could pursue my Deep Rubber goals. He suggested that I could become a "Deep Rubber Monastic," devoting myself to the challenge in a quiet, distraction-free environment. Lorraine, he mentioned, might even be interested in assisting me.

I was taken aback but intrigued by the idea. It's something I'll have to think about.

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